Things I’ve learned on holidays . . .

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  1. A five hour car trip never takes five hours.
  2. When a five-year-old says he’s busting to death, it’s serious.
  3. When he says it’s serious, it really is.
  4. Telling him to hang on until we reach the zoo will only work for so long.
  5. However, the sight of an elephant pooping will have him laughing for hours.
  6. On the flip side, seeing gorillas in captivity is depressing.
  7. Meanwhile, a dog left at home – alone – can be expensive.
  8. Back to the zoo and . . . entering a butterfly enclosure behind a man with body odour issues tends to distract from the beauty of the butterflies.
  9. Awful odours won’t stop an eight year old from noticing two butterflies getting ‘friendly’.
  10. And asking questions loudly.
  11. Meanwhile, a dog left at home – digging up pot plants – is expensive.
  12. A side trip to the old sewerage treatment plant is very interesting to grandparents. Grandkids? Not so much.
  13. Meanwhile, a dog left at home – falling out of pot plants and injuring its back – is expensive.
  14. That same dog, now found to have an enlarged liver – now costs more than the holiday.
  15. It’s nice to get home.
  16. It hurts to pay the vet bill.
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